Need You Now
by AKJ4
Summary: Follows on from a scene is Series 2 Episode 4 'Wishing and Hoping'.
1. Chapter 1

"How we feel isn't measured by what we do, or what we don't do." She gazed at him as he spoke, loving the low, intimate tone to his voice, and wondering where he was leading with this conversation. "I've fallen in love with you Jill." He felt elated as he said the words he'd been pondering over for days. Her head shot up as they sunk in. "It's the same for you; we've known that for a long time. We don't even need to say it, it's just there. Nothing can change that, not now." He smiled in response to the soft upward curve of her lips, whispering his last words. "It's too late."

"No but saying it is more, it's a lot more." Her eyes suddenly dulled, a little sadness filling them as their whole situation washed over her. She tiled her head downwards as she spoke, her gaze resting upon her fingers tracing patterns over Gordon's thigh. She sighed. "I just wish-"

"I don't think I can take anymore wishing today." He interrupted softly, not wanting the peaceful moment to be interrupted with regret. "What is, what isn't… I can't change any of that. All I do know is that…" He paused, taking a moment to assess whether it would be wise to voice. "I need you, now. Don't tell me it's not the same for you."

She looked at him with wide eyes, her expression somewhat vulnerable, something he was unused to seeing in the formidable Doctor Weatherill. But as he captured her lips, enveloped her with the arm laying over her shoulders, he felt her respond readily. In fact, it was Jill herself who took his hand, giving it a gentle tug as she rose. There was a little shyness in her expression, a slight blush to her cheeks to accompany the flush their activities had brought about. He captured her round the waist then, holding her close against him. And they made their way into the bedroom.


	2. Chapter 2

"Gordon." She breathed. It was sometime later. The room was lit only by the moon shining through the window; they hadn't thought to shut the curtains. And they had no desire to draw them closed now. In fact they were quite content to lie bathed in its glow. Everything in its path became tinged with a beautiful blue sheen.

At Jill's soft utterance of his name, he bent to brush a kiss to her forehead, before pulling back and locking eyes with her ones again as she gazed up at him. "I know." He replied softly. He marvelled at the openness in her expression, at the contentment and softness in her gaze. At work, she wore a mask, and whilst being friends he had been permitted to see more of the real Jill, it wasn't until now that he was sure she was completely open to him. He dipped his head, brushing a kiss across her cheekbone.

Feeling her shift beneath him, he slid to her side, taking her in his arms as she inched towards him. He rolled onto his back, bringing her with him until she rested against him. It was a magical feeling; the pleasant weight of her head upon his shoulder, her soft hair covering his arm, her ribcage pushing against his chest as she breathed.

They cuddled in silence. The rumble of the occasional passing car could be faintly heard, but other than that, the only noise was their gentle breaths. Gordon loved the feeling of her warm exhalations just brushing across his chest. It wasn't long before her this sensation became more infrequent along with her slowed breathing, and she relaxed more of her weight against him. He guessed she had succumbed to sleep, and tightened his arms protectively around her in response. Along with a hundred other tiny things this evening, it was something new he was learning about her; how exactly she slept, her breathing patterns, the beautiful sight of her delicately closed lids. He couldn't help the surge of new emotion that washed over him; he knew then that he wanted to spend his life cherishing the amazing woman in his arms.

He placed one final kiss into her now unruly dark hair before relaxing back against the pillows. A contented smile adorned his lips as he too slipped into the most comfortable sleep he'd had in a long while.


	3. Chapter 3

It was with some reluctance that he disentangled himself from Jill that morning. She roused a little as he eased her from her position half lying upon his chest. "Gordon?" Her voice was a sleepy mumble, her eyes opening a crack as he cradled her in his arms, in order to lay her back against the pillows.

"Go back to sleep darling." He breathed, brushing a kiss over her forehead. The soft smile which flickered over her lips in response to his touch made it even harder for him to draw away from her. He blindly searched for his clothes, dressing with a haste he didn't feel. It was when he reached the entrance to her bedroom, just as he was about to close the door and block her from, that he couldn't resist returning to her. A soft kissed was bestowed to her cheek, and a hand brushed over her tussled hair.

The image of her lying so beautifully stayed with him all the way home; her hair, slightly awry, framing her sleeping features, the way the top of her bare shoulder was visible just above the blankets, the curve of her fingers as she held gently to her pillow. His contented smile widened as he recalled the previous night's exploits.

His good mood stayed with his throughout his normal morning routine. The normal stress of getting himself and two children ready and at their respective destinations on time dissipated. The only slight dip in his mood came when he arrived at work to find the car park devoid of the only car he wanted to see. But then he shook himself. She'd arrive soon enough; it had to survive a few extra minutes without her.

"Morning Lizzie!" He called as he strode into reception, momentarily surprising the receptionist who nearly sent her carefully arranged patient files flying in her shock.

"Morning Doctor." She replied once she recovered, handing him one set of files. "Mr Middleditch would like to see you straight away."

"Right ho Lizzie." He grinned, before heading to the aforementioned man's office, stopping merely to deposit his belongings into his office. Even being within the artificially lit hospital corridors couldn't dampen his mood, and he released many a greeting to the staff he passed. He was granted entry into the hospital secretary's office as soon as he knocked. "Good morning." He grinned, seating himself in the chair the older man gestured toward.

Mr Middleditch started speaking. His smile slipped, his mood was no more.


	4. Chapter 4

Jill rose in much the same mood as Gordon. A soft smile played on her features as she set about preparing herself for work. Her only regret was the Gordon was not there to share the early morning with. It wasn't anything she blamed him for; she of course knew he had commitments. It was merely a wish on her part, and she hoped on his part too, that in the future they would be able to awake, rise and leave for work together.

It was with a flutter in her stomach that she set eyes upon Gordon's sturdy blue Zephyr later that morning. She drew her own forest green mini into the space beside it and climbed out, resisting the urge to run her fingers along the pale metalwork. Immediately she felt closer to him, knowing he was within the red brick walls towering above her. As she collected her bags, and strode with a little more speed than usual into the building, she hoped there would be time to see him before the normal bustle of morning surgery ensued.

"Morning Lizzie." She smiled at the receptionist, noting the unusually large stack of files handed to her; even this couldn't serve to her impair her happiness.

"Morning Doctor! Isn't it wonderful?" The receptionist gushed.

Jill raised an eyebrow as she flicked through her post; journals and test results seemed to comprise the majority of the paper. "What is?" She eventually asked when Lizzie seemed determined to keep her in suspense. Although she was sure she could manage with keeping only part of her attention on the answer; the doctor was, after all used to the ramblings of the younger woman. However, as Lizzie began her tale, Jill's full attention tuned to her almost immediately.

It happened it was Lizzie's reply, spoken with such excitement, that was in fact the thing to diminish her joy so completely.


	5. Chapter 5

"I'll leave you to it." The hospital secretary uttered quietly, leaving the room with a sombre expression.

Gordon turned then. He stood alone in the room, a few solitary tears slipping down his face. He was incredibly touched by the thoughtfulness of his colleagues; Mr Middleditch, Matron, Ken and Alun. It would indeed mean he could bring his wife home. He would be able to see her everyday should he wish. And perhaps the children may be able to find some comfort in being able to see their mother again.

And then images of Jill came unbidden to his mind; at work, having a quiet drink after work, last night… He tried to shake them off but he simply couldn't, despite feeling terrible for thinking of his lover when he should be concentrating on his sick wife. He didn't want to begin thinking about how this most recent turn of events would affect their blossoming relationship. Whilst Caroline had been in Leeds, the guilt had lain at bay. But with his wife lying down the corridor, how could he possibly contemplate continuing with his betrayal?

He had to discuss the matter with Jill, hard as it would be. They would figure it out together. Then a thought struck him. He had to find her before she heard from someone else. And no doubt that someone would be Lizzie.

* * *

><p>Jill meanwhile was still stood before Lizzie, listening as she embarked onto an explanation of what was so 'wonderful' about that very morning.<p>

"It's Doctor Ormerod. You know, that Mr Middleditch got that iron lung brought in. It-"

"Wait, what iron lung?"

"From a hospital somewhere - Maddles-summat. Isn't it wonderful! It means Doctor Ormerod can bring his wife home!"

These words were the ones which broke Jill's spirit and threatened to destroy any future happiness she thought she'd found. "Oh." Was all she uttered, until she realised she should probably say more. "Well, yes… Yes, it is wonderful." Stuttering her reply was perhaps not the best way to show her agreement and hide her sudden heartbreak. However, Lizzie seemed not to notice, and allowed Jill to escape to her office unimpeded. Once there, she swung her door shut a little too forcefully, and dropped heavily into her chair. She squeezed her eyes shut, fighting back the tears Lizzie's words had provoked.

* * *

><p>Gordon arrived just in time to witness the slam of Jill's office door. A couple of nurses passing by turned to look towards the source of the noise, and promptly began a whispered discussion. He could imagine what the topic was, and he guessed it was none too complimentary. This left him with a dilemma. He could hardly enter her office now; it might look suspicious. Besides, he was in no position to comfort her. He couldn't even begin to get his head around everything that was to follow the iron lung's arrival.<p> 


	6. Chapter 6

She knocked on his office door with some trepidation. She hadn't seen him all morning. And whilst she had been hoping he would come and speak to her, she realised it would have been unlikely. The situation was difficult, impossible almost. She had plenty enough to think about, weigh up, and ultimately worry about; he had a hundred times more.

"Hi," she whispered, fighting to concentrate through the sudden rush of emotion that had besieged her. Images of the night before sprung to mind along with a rush of love. But these were mixed with an almost nauseous worry for Gordon in his unenviable situation, as well as fear about their relationship. She swallowed hard, her eyes tracing his weary features as she spoke. "Gordon… Would you like to go out for lunch, go for a walk maybe? A chat?"

"Erm, no…" he mumbled distractedly. "I got some things to take care of."

"Oh." It was an effort to prevent the disappointment becoming audible in her tone. "Alright, well I'm just across the corridor if you need me." She gazed at him for a few seconds before leaving the room, releasing a heavy sigh only once the door was snug in its frame.

Back inside his office, Gordon breathed his own deep sigh. His hand hovered over the phone on his desk for a few seconds, but finally snatching it up on a moment of conviction, his finger falling onto the dial. "Ah hello." He spoke once the call connected at its destination. "I'm Gordon Ormerod, my wife- Yes that's the one. How's she doing?" He nodded along to the calming voice at the other end of the line, absorbing details of Caroline's condition, details which never wavered. 'No change' was the phrase he hated most of all. 'No change' meant no foreseeable way out of the nightmare. 'No change' offered no optimism. 'No change' left Gordon with upset children, a distraught father-in-law, and a potentially continuing affair.

He closed his eyes with resolution and a little resignation and spoke again to the consultant in Leeds. It was time to bring his wife home.


	7. Chapter 7

After leaving Gordon's office, Jill went straight out on her house calls, eating her packed sandwiches when she paused in road works or at traffic lights. It wasn't ideal, but she couldn't spend the lunch in her office alone. It would only allow her to dwell more on the morning. It would only grant her more upset. Still, she managed to go over the events of the past twenty four hours even whilst concentrating on driving.

She had been on edge all day. It had been planned a few days in advance that he would come to hers for the evening, after putting the children to bed. He'd been to her flat before, even after their relationship had shifted from friends and colleagues to something considerably more. Yet somehow it felt different. She felt a flutter of excitement each time she saw him, even if it were for a brief second in reception. He had seemed to feel the same, judging by the grins he kept shooting her, and the discrete touches whenever they were out of sight of their colleagues.

She hadn't known the night would end the way it did; neither had planned it. Yet they had given in to the love they held for each other. She sighed heavily as she drew up outside Mrs Westerton's farmhouse. She engaged the handbrake but didn't exit straight away.

They'd had one night, one perfect night. Perfect, at least for her. She caught her breath at her new thought. What if it wasn't so perfect for Gordon? She knew his new demeanour stemmed from the new item of hospital equipment. Yet a part of her couldn't help the insecurity which was rapidly festering. There was the niggling thought that perhaps he hadn't enjoyed last night as she had. Perhaps he found her unattractive, or perhaps she had done something wrong in their love making.

He might be regretting it, whether it had been perfect for him or not; he must be regretting it! She'd been so callous and selfish to lead him to bed. She'd spared no thought to how it might affect him. Even without the arrival of the iron lung, the night shouldn't have happen. Caroline was ill, in a coma, with no foreseeable improvement to her condition. And Jill had dragged this sick woman's husband to bed.

With one final sigh, Jill dragged herself from her car. As she strode with outward confidence up the gravelled path, she couldn't help the growing tightness in her chest as she contemplated just what the future would hold. She'd feared an end to their relationship before, of course, probably more than most people given the circumstances. But whilst they had been growing closer, it had seemed a distant possibility. Now, with the imminent arrival of Gordon's wife, the possibility had become a probability, or even a certainty.


	8. Chapter 8

A knock on her office door drew Jill from the medical journal she had, thankfully, been absorbed in. "Come in!"

"Hi Jill."

"Gordon!" she released his name with a surprised inflection to her tone, twisting in her chair to see him. "Wh- I thought you'd gone."

"There's a lot to sort out. Caroline… You know…"

She nodded, herself uncomfortable at the mention of his wife's name, and saddened to see he too looked uncomfortable. His hands were in his trouser pockets and he almost hovered by the door, shifting from foot to foot. "I er- Why are you still here?"

"Just getting some reading done." She indicated the journal lying open before her. "Is there anything you want? Sit down if you want," she hurriedly added, hoping he would take her up on her offer. He didn't, however, and divulged the reason for his visit in a faltering voice.

"I just wanted to let you know… Caroline… She's- I've arranged to have her brought here."

"When?" With her throat feeling as if it was being constricted with the pressure of building emotions, a whisper was all she could muster.

"Next couple of days. Leeds are going to assess her condition, but they think she's stable enough to be transported."

She nodded but was silent as she formulated her response. There was very little she felt like saying, and nothing that was appropriate at that moment. Eventually she forced her voice into a neutral calmness. "I'm sure it'll be a lot easier for you… You'll be able to see her every day."

"Yes… I'll erm, I'll have to tell the children, though I'm not sure what to say. They'll want to see her I expect. I'll have to prepare them for that too. Although maybe it's not a good idea…"

She watched on sadly as he spoke, not really at her, more just exposing his jumbled thoughts to the open. "I'm here if you need anything Gordon… We are still friends aren't we."

He looked at her then, really looked at her for the first time since he'd entered her office. What little conversation, albeit stilled, now dried up as he regarded her. She in turn gazed wide-eyed up at him from her position on her desk chair. Usually she could read him easily, yet now she could discern little of his thoughts. So much had changed in less than 24 hours that everything was unfamiliar.

"I am sorry Jill." He spoke eventually. He looked incredibly sad and lost; Jill just wanted to hug him. Yet she knew not whether such a move would be wise. "And thank you…" After a brief hesitation, he left the office leaving the female doctor more confused than ever.

The reason for his apology could have been numerous things. She hoped with everything she had that it was not the one thing she feared the most.


End file.
